
While I am only one voice among many, and a very small voice at that, I would like to provide some analysis that I have yet to see provided by the many larger voices that have critiqued Andy Stanely’s recent message.
Let me begin with some positive comments that may be lost in the noise.
#1 – There is a need for programs that help parents through the minefield that surrounds families with children who are sexually confused, homosexual, bisexual, etc. Apparently, Andy Stanley recognized that need long before many others, maybe even up to this point in time. He has been on a long road to provide that, and that is not only worth noting but commending.
The church is too often late to address such needs. Stanley’s parents’ conference may be just the catalyst needed to provide such programs in local churches. “Knowing that you are not alone” in dealing with this as a family and as parents is indeed a needed breath of fresh air! Let’s pray to that end!
Stanley is so very accurate when he states that if you as a parent are facing such an issue in your family, you will be the first one to find help as Christian parents — helping parents understand what is going on in the minds of gay kids.
#2 – Andy Stanley has always been driven by an evangelistic zeal to reach people with the Gospel. This is merely one more example. What has made Stanley’s ministry different is exactly as he states when commenting on Al Mohler’s response. Stanely and Mohler are in two different camps when it comes to reaching out with the Gospel. Not only is Stanley methodologically different, but seemingly passionately divergent from many local church pastors.
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The most repeated criticisms are about the use of gay speakers (gay “Christian” speakers) and the metaphor of “circles and lines.”
√ Having gay “Christian” speakers is a real concern. To listen to gay individuals who claim to be Christians has strong influential implications, especially for those who are personally driven to want that to be true.
√ Stanley also argues that he draws circles and others draw lines. Stanley employs the “false dichotomy/dilemma” argument when he argues that he draws circles, not lines. as if it must be one or the other. As most point out, both circles and lines are needed, and Jesus drew both — “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
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Now for some assessments that seem to be missing in many critiques.
#1 – “Same-sex Attracted”: There is a subtle argument being made by the adoption and use of these words. Such terminology slices between action and desire. Apparently, “action” and “attraction” are defined as “sinful” versus “sinless” (or, at best, far far less serious).
In fact, that very argument is made when Stanley repeatedly makes it clear that 85% of those who are same-sex attracted have not acted on their attraction. . . . Most “rarely, rarely” engage in sexual behavior.
The use or the adoption of such terminology may be a subtle way of redefining the sin of homosexuality. I realize that attraction is not action. I also realize that hatred is not murder and that viewing pornography is not adultery.
I also realize that actions are more sinful than feelings. Hating someone is far different than actually murdering someone, and the social, psychological, and legal implications are far different. There are degrees of sinfulness and its impact on lives.
I also realize that there is a clear, known path that exists between any of these bifurcations.
While there may be many who have felt the same-sex attraction (or illegitimate opposite-sex attraction), such sinful attractions, left unaddressed, becomes a path that leads to a terrible place — Proverbs 4 and 5 . . . .
Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go;
Keep her, for she is your life.
Do not enter the path of the wicked,
And do not walk in the way of evil.
Avoid it, do not travel on it;
Turn away from it and pass on.
Who would talk about “opposite-sex attraction like “same-sex attraction?” As long as we don’t act on “lust,” we need not address it as biblically sinful and destructive to one’s life, marriage, and family.
#2 – “God Did Not Answer”: One of Stanley’s recurring comments revolves around the repeated prayers of those who were “same-sex attracted.
“They don’t embrace it. They resist it. . . . Something is deeply wrong, even though I haven’t done anything wrong. . . . They find themselves in a battle, not against a behavior, but against a defining attraction that they did not choose, but somehow has chosen them, And they pray, and they pray, and they pray.”
It was “not something they chose . . . .somehow it has chosen them, and they pray. Take it away. They beg God to take it away. . . . . they asked God to change them, and God did not answer their prayer.”. . . .They are literally afraid that they are going to Hell. . . . not because of anything they have done but because of who they are
Let me mention that such an argument gives a sense of relief and even an excuse. Rather than fighting the battle and/or accepting personal accountability, maybe I need to accept what is happening.
Imagine making the same argument about marital failure, divorce, recreational drugs, sexual promiscuity, children-sex-attraction, unseemly grief of the loss of a loved one, unremitting anxiety, etc. — “It was not something they chose . . . .somehow it has chosen them, and they pray. Take it away. They beg God to take it away. . . . . they asked God to change them, and God did not answer their prayer.”
Stanley’s argument also clearly implies that God is responsible. God did not answer their prayers, and their prayers were good, right, just, appropriate, and sincere! Why didn’t God deliver them from such feelings and a dire personal impasse?
How about those seeking and praying for help in their marriages, finances, fears of loneliness, singleness, and childlessness? What would we say to those who are facing unrelenting disease, life-threatening sickness, a battle with alcohol/drugs, the loss of a husband, a mother, a father, a child(ren), etc.? What should be the response in these situations? What would we say to these individuals when their prayers are not answered?
#3 — “Our Decision Is The Response” : Andy Stanley states that once two people decide to enter into a same-sex relationship and/or to marry, that is “their decision. Our decision, as a group of local churches, is how are we going to respond to their decisions.”
Again, this is the “false dichotomy/dilemma” argument. It is not either/or or “one over the other.” Pastors, parents, and Christians have a responsibility for both challenging others to make responsible decisions and ALSO to respond as Christ when they do not make good decisions!
We are our brother’s keepers! We are to speak the truth and also love when the truth is ignored. The words of Jesus to the woman taken in adultery are, “Go and sin no more.” Sounds like he is speaking to her decision-making!
#4 — Story Arguments: The power of stories and letters is compelling! Andy knows well that a story can support any biblical or non-biblical position. He multiples personal accounts, letters, stories of missionaries, and a variety of situations — I.e., A well-known author who backed out and said, “I just can’t drag my family through this.”
Bible-momma: Another is the story of a mother who is pelting her same-sexed-attracted child with biblical passages. It is a straw-man argument. It is a straw-man story because few would agree that such a mom’s approach is the way to deal with the issue. Be assured that Andy Stanley knows the power of anecdotal argument.
In another example, Stanley refers to a pastor in Virginia, who in the sermon stopped and said, “I hate to say this . . . ” Stanley goes on to say, “Now whenever a pastor says I hate to say this, they can’t wait to say this.” That is not true, and worse! The story and implicit argument is ad hominem — attack the person.
The story of an attempted suicide is tragic but does not justify taking a position that is not supported in the Scriptures. As soon as you inject a child’s suicide into the equation, we all, as parents, are so moved that we may want to relent on what we know the Scriptures teach! Andy understands that!
#5 – It Wasn’t For You: Andy Stanley states that the conference was . . .
“to equip parents to connect and to reconnect with their kids and to stay connected, so that they would have influence could keep their kids connected to their faith and keep their kids connected to Jesus. . . . .
Justin and Brian were invited — two married gay men . . . .Their stories and their journeys of growing up in church and maintaining their faith in Christ and their commitment to follow Christ all through their high school, and college and singles, and all the time they were married. . . . their story is so powerful for parents, especially of gay kids . . . . need to hear.
They (Brian & Justin) like you, like me, like compassionate Christians . . . . . These guys are bridge builders. . . They know that I don’t line up with everything with them theologically or the way they interpret certain passages of Scripture. But hey . . . The conference wasn’t for me. The conference wasn’t for most of you. I guarantee you that the conference wasn’t for any of the critics . . . .because the moment or the day that they discover that one of their children or that one of their grandchildren claim to be gay or transgender or questioning, they are going to scramble for people that who can help them get inside the hearts and minds of their children, That’s what good parents do. [1]”
√ First, the fact that the conference is for parents who have gay children does not mean that what is said to these parents may or may not be biblical, accurate, or true.
√ Second, the unmistakable implication (if not actually stated) of such statements is that you can be a Christian and maintain a gay lifestyle. Brian & Justin were and are Christians, and they are married. If they are powerful speakers, as Andy Stanley assures his audience, then they are even more hazardous to the spiritual, emotional, psychological, and sexual health of the audience!
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While I am critical of Andy Stanley’s sermon, let me close by saying that what Andy Stanley has chosen to tackle is extremely difficult in very practical terms. There are some very difficult questions that are even more difficult to address without being misunderstood, no less charged with error and even malice, as has Andy Stanley.
As Andy Stanley stated, when a parent faces this issue in a very personal way, they are looking for answers from their church and their pastor. Being a pastor and holding to the Scriptures is at one of the highest tension points when dealing with a family facing issues of same-sex-attracted and/or homosexual children! I can tell stories that would break your heart and stress your mind for biblical answers. There needs to be a lot of Christian grace extended when ministry leaders like Andy Stanley seek to address such issues. Being less judgemental and kinder would not be a bad biblical recipe in such situations.
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1 . The “No True Scotsman Argument”: The stories and appeals to parents who are struggling are found throughout. If you are a good parent, and good parents want to get into the hearts and minds of their children . . . . you would be at this conference and not a critic of it because that is what good parents do.
i.e. — They (parents) are parked in their car. They had to decide if they would join 150 other parents. Pull up in the parking lot, behind the building, and they sit, and they have to talk themselves into going in . . . .”What am I saying about myself as a parent? What am I saying about my children?
2. Other analyses worth making?
√ Separating his church from himself: Andy repeatedly implies that it is his church, not him, that has taken this position and is promoting this position through a conference.
I have worked with “the greatest staff in the world” / “I’m so proud of our church.” / “So proud of what you do.” / I’m so proud of our church, our volunteers, this incredible system engineers all those years ago that relationally pivoted . . . what a win for a church.”
“This is not new. This is who we are and always been and why I am so proud of you. . . . We are restoring relationships and saving lives.”
Let’s be clear; it was not the “church.” Andy’s church is not a congregational organized ministry. Andy Stanley has and continues to establish the direction of the Northpoint ministry.
√ Humor As Answers: Andy Stanley is an effective and powerful communicator! That is undeniable, and that is what makes his words worthy of analysis and criticism.
Hold your boos and your applause (not booze).
Glad you are here to hear my response. Come next week, and there will be even more room.
I’m glad Heaven is a big place.
You may be saying, “I read those articles and/or critiques, and I’m sure it must be true.”
√ His “use” of Scripture: As will those on both sides of the issue, some of Andy Stanley’s uses of Scripture are questionable
His reference to Nehemiah (We are not coming down to talk to you) — Andy stated he typically doesn’t respond to criticism . . . . but because of how widely it (the Mohler article) was circulated, he is going to respond.
While there may be times when an enemy is seeking to stop the work of the Lord, and it may even be unwise to engage, the use of Nehemiah’s words does not justify refusing to address legitimate questions by brothers in Christ. Any has used too often refused to address real biblical issues!
Jesus drew circles; He drew circles so large and included so many people that included people like me and people like you . . . circles and that make the religious leaders nervous.
This has been previously addressed, but the calling up of the nervousness of the religious leaders adds a new unfair wrinkle to Stanley’s point, which is a comparison of his critics to the Pharisees.
For all of you who are weary and burdened, may you find rest for your soul . . . .That’s the invitation of me. That’s the invitation of the church.
Wowwww — What a use of Scripture! To make the claim that you are providing a place of biblical rest commensurate with the offer of Jesus is rather bold.
√ Separating Theology and Practice: “This isn’t a theology conference.” — as if you can separate theology from practice!
√ Statistics: I question some of the so-called statistical numbers cited. Not that there might be an article posted somewhere that suggests such a number or percentage, but because of the legitimacy of that article and statistic.
√ Deflection: “What do we believe — What do we teach?” — When asking and answering the question of what Northpoint believes, Stanley diverts to three points they have historically taught. None of the points have any impact on same-sex relationships.
Honor God with your body
Don’t be mastered by anything
Don’t sexualize relationships outside of marriage.
√ The Uniqueness Of Same-Sex Attraction: One way to prevent a comparison between sinfulness, temptation, the Scriptural difficulty of providing an answer, et al. — is to claim that this is a unique area from all other areas of life. Andy makes that claim concerning same-sex attraction. He states that same-sex attraction is an issue like no other issue because it involves one’s identity.